Thursday, December 13, 2018

Trump news on Youtube Dec 13 2018

 Donald Trump has declared he will "shut down the government" just days before Christmas during an extraordinary on air press conference in which he clashed with Democratic leaders over a funding deal

 The US president claimed that if the Democrats will not approve funding for his border wall, he was willing to allow a lapse in federal government funding which would see large parts of the government close down

 "I am proud to shut down the government for border security. I will take the mantle, I will shut it down," Mr Trump said

 Mr Trump was meeting with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, the most senior Democrats in the House of Representatives and the Senate respectively, to agree on a package of funding

 But in an extraordinary turn of events, Mr Trump invited reporters into the private Oval Office negotiation and argued heatedly with the Democratic leaders in front of the cameras

 During the heated exchange Mr Trump threatened to stop funding the US government if he doesn't get the money to continue building a wall on the border with Mexico

 "If we don't get what we want, I'll shut down the government," Mr Trump said during a heated exchange

"I will be the one to shut it down."  Vice President Mike Pence sat beside Mr Trump, silent and stone faced

 Swaths of federal funding will expire on December 21, forcing a partial shutdown unless a new deal can be reached

 Mr Trump wants Congress to agree to $5 billion (£3.9 billion) he says is needed to fund a large border wall along hundreds of miles of the US-Mexican border

However  Mr Schumer and Ms Pelosi have offered to extend funding at current levels, around $1

3 billion. That is less than the $1.6 billion a bipartisan Senate committee approved

 Mr Schumer and Ms Pelosi both said legislation to keep the government open and provide additional border security could pass both houses of Congress, but Mr Trump insisted major wall funding was necessary, saying "we don't want criminals and drugs coming into our country"

 Mr Trump also squabbled with the Democrats over whether wall funding could be approved in the House or Senate without Democratic votes

 "This has spiralled downwards," Ms Pelosi said in one notable moment.  The president asked whether Republicans had won the Senate in the November election

Mr Schumer, the ranking Democratic senator, retorted with a smile: "When the president brags he has won North Dakota and Indiana, he's in real trouble"

 Opponents say the wall, one of Mr Trump's most memorable campaign promises in his 2016 election, is not only a waste of money but has been used by the president to whip up xenophobia

 Ms Pelosi, who is seeking to become House speaker when the new Congress convenes in January, said she and many other Democrats consider the wall "immoral, ineffective and expensive" and noted that Mr Trump promised during the 2016 campaign that Mexico would pay for the wall, an idea Mexico has repeatedly rejected

 Mr Trump insisted that the US military could be brought in to build his wall if Democrats will not vote for the funding

 At the Pentagon, Lieutenant Colonel Jamie Davis said there were no plans now for the US military to build sections of the wall

He added that under current law, however, the Defence Department could fund some border barrier projects "such as in support of counter-drug operations or national emergencies

"  After the meeting, White House spokeswoman Sarah Sanders said in a statement it was a "constructive dialogue" and said Mr Trump was "grateful" cameras captured him fighting to protect the border

 Back on Capitol Hill, Schumer accused Mr Trump of throwing a tantrum but said Mr Trump told the Democrats he would consider their budget proposals, Schumer told reporters

 Ms Pelosi told reporters she had asked Mr Trump to pray about resolving the dispute, recounting the biblical story of King Solomon asking God for wisdom

 But the harsh words continued during a closed meeting of House Democrats. According to an aide in the room, Ms Pelosi said Mr Trump's fixation with building a wall was "like a manhood thing for him

As if manhood could ever be associated with him."  Despite the rancor, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a Republican, told reporters, "I'd still like to see a smooth ending here and I haven't given up hope that's what we'll have

"  Ms Pelosi told reporters that later in the day that she and Mr Trump spoke by telephone, and the president said he was reviewing the offer made by Democrats during the White House meeting

For more infomation >> Donald Trump threatens to 'shut down government' during Oval Office clash with Democrat leaders - Duration: 7:26.

-------------------------------------------

What does it take to become Trump's chief of staff? Jared and Ivanka's approval - Duration: 8:16.

pretend Donald Trump will weigh several criteria as he searches for his next

chief of staff including loyalty political skills and management

experience but there's one thing any potential hire must do when the approval

of Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump Trump's son-in-law and daughter who are

also White House advisors what a political ally and the chief of staff

job and they are using their unrivaled influence to ensure they get one

according to seven former and current White House officials those sources

describe a search process steered by the president he's just calling around to

friends as one Republican close to the White House put it but carefully

regulated by his family as Trump works to replace his outgoing chief of staff

John Kelly their influence could dim the chances of some candidates for the post

White House aides and allies say including one of trumps favorites Rep

mark meadows RN C who is not close with a 30-something couple they are also

opposed to the prospect of former grumpy T campaign manager David bossy taking on

the role it's also an obstacle for former New Jersey gov chris Christie who

put Kushner's father behind bars as a federal prosecutor in New Jersey

among Kushner and Ivanka Trump's top choices is Treasury Secretary Stephen

Nunn whom they view as extremely loyal Nanshan is said to be uninterested in

the often thankless job of trumps staff chief however Kushner in particular is

riding high at the moment on Tuesday Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell

r-ky announced that the Senate would take up a criminal justice reform bill

that Kushner has spent months crafting and whose fate had recently seemed

uncertain Kushner was rewarded with a craning photo prominently featured on

The Drudge Report whose publisher Matt Drudge he has cultivated as an ally and

whose coverage Trump follows closely Kelley may have hastened his demise by

emerging as an internal rival of the couple the retired Marine general

they're vaguely defined government roles and unfettered access to trump

exasperating tensions between the two camps reached a fever pitch in February

when Kushner's interim security clearance was temporarily downgraded as

part of an overhaul of the approval process that Kelley ordered Kelly's exit

leaves Kirchner and Ivanka Trump with few influential opponents inside the

White House Kelley was the last one they wanted out said a former White House

official who worked with rum and Kushner during the 2016 campaign now it's not

just the president who needs to sign off on his next chief of staff the official

added it's Jared and the Ivanka they have a big voice the duo nearly

orchestrated the transition they wanted the installation of neck hairs chief of

staff to Vice President Mike Pence as Kelly's successor a second former White

House officials said Kushner and Aris bonded over mutual frustration with what

they considered Kelley's lack of political shrewdness and agreed that

Trump's next chief of staff needs sharper Washington instincts they were

both looking for a course correction someone who understands the political

side of things the official said but that plan imploded over the weekend one

airs a 36 year old father of young triplets refused to agree to a two-year

term and back Auto becoming chief of staff citing his family as a reason his

surprise decision landed the Trump family back at square one according to a

third former White House official now they are weighing which of the

candidates and whom Trump is interested meet their standards White House aides

and people close to the president are already betting that several candidates

will fall out of contention in the coming days because of their trouble or

insufficient relationships with Kushner and Ivanka Trump the former New Yorkers

also tend to favor cosmopolitan political moderates over the kind of

hard-core conservative activists who appeal to President Trump in addition to

Knutson their allies have included former chief White House economic

adviser Gary Cohn a former Goldman Sachs banker and former deputy national

security adviser Donna Powell also a Goldman Sachs executive

that category does not include bossy the former campaign aide and longtime

conservative activist who has protected his own reputation among the president's

aides and advisors but whose friendship with ex Trump campaign manager Corey

LaVon domsky is unsettling for many boss he would have a pretty good chance of

getting the job if not for them a source close to the White House said Tuesday

hours after bossy appeared on Fox and Friends in what some viewed as a kind of

audition for the role Trump is a well-known viewer of the show

I've certainly known that president to a long long time long before he was a

candidate boss he said I do feel I understand the movement that elected him

I understand his priorities when asked boss he acknowledged that he and Levante

offski will be having lunch with Trump on Friday some sources close to the

White House say boss he considers it more likely that he can land a deputy

job under medals for the conservative freedom caucus leader when the job one

possible factor in Meadows favor he recently defended Ivanka Trump's use

of a personal email account for official White House business tweeting that the

Hillary Clinton email scandal isn't even close to the Ivanka email issue other

candidates include White House councilor Kellyanne Conway and Budget Director

Mick Mulvaney u-s Trade Representative Robert light Heiser and Republican

fundraiser Wayne Berman during a rare interview on Monday night cushion are

revealed little about the chief of staff search to Fox News host and Trump French

sean hannity he said his father-in-law would make the right choice for chief of

staff when he's ready adding that Trump would choose somebody he's got great

chemistry with a great relationship with and who can aid his 2020 reelection bid

but Kushner and Ivanka Trump have not always had a Midas touch and their

personnel advice in 2016 Kushner helped persuade his

father-in-law Huayra seasoned political operative to help round up delegates at

the Republican National Convention that operative was Paul Manafort who went on

to become Trump's campaign chairman before emerging as a central figure and

special counsel Robert investigation into Russian election

meddling a Virginia jury found mana Ford guilty this summer on eight counts of

bank and tax fraud the couple also played a role in bringing Michael Flint

to the White House as national security adviser Flynn was fired a month into the

Trump administration after misleading pets about his contacts with Russian

officials he has since pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI and is now a

cooperating witness in Mueller's probe and a pair also had a hand in bringing

on Anthony Scarah Messiah as White House communications director a position he

held for ten days before a spectacular flame out Kushner and Ivanka Trump have

installed several top aides who have proved reliable operators including

Powell long time pals Reid and Maggie Cordish who led separate White House

efforts on innovation and tax reform prior to leaving this year and Chris

Lytle who worked beside Kushner in the White House Office of American

innovation before kelly promoted him to deputy chief of staff for policy

spokesperson for Kushner and trump did not respond to a request for comment

the search for Trump's third chief of staff comes as Kushner and Ivanka

prepare to dig in for a brutal 2020 election cycle in which the president is

expected to face a more challenging electoral map plus a steady stream of

investigations into his administration and the conclusion of Mueller's

investigation as corny as it sounds the biggest thing the president needs right

now is a friend someone who gets along with him and his family and can be a

comfort to them said a former senior White House official that's the most

important attribute a chief of staff can have and at its wat Trump and his family

are looking for what

For more infomation >> What does it take to become Trump's chief of staff? Jared and Ivanka's approval - Duration: 8:16.

-------------------------------------------

Whoopi Says Americans Don't Want Wall, So Let Trump Pay For It — Instantly Regrets It - Duration: 6:52.

For more infomation >> Whoopi Says Americans Don't Want Wall, So Let Trump Pay For It — Instantly Regrets It - Duration: 6:52.

-------------------------------------------

Caravan Tells Trump They Will Go Home – If He Gives In To 7-Figure Demand - Duration: 2:20.

For more infomation >> Caravan Tells Trump They Will Go Home – If He Gives In To 7-Figure Demand - Duration: 2:20.

-------------------------------------------

MIGRANT CARAVAN LATEST NEWS TODAY Dec 13, 18 , Trump Clashes with Pelosi, Schumer on Border Security - Duration: 17:05.

For more infomation >> MIGRANT CARAVAN LATEST NEWS TODAY Dec 13, 18 , Trump Clashes with Pelosi, Schumer on Border Security - Duration: 17:05.

-------------------------------------------

Mitt Romney Has One Terrible Plan To Get Rid Of Trump That Will Make You Sick - Duration: 4:27.

For more infomation >> Mitt Romney Has One Terrible Plan To Get Rid Of Trump That Will Make You Sick - Duration: 4:27.

-------------------------------------------

Michelle Says Trump's America Is Lost Right Now, Kid Rock Makes Her Regret It - Duration: 5:45.

For more infomation >> Michelle Says Trump's America Is Lost Right Now, Kid Rock Makes Her Regret It - Duration: 5:45.

-------------------------------------------

AMLO charla con Trump de migración y desarrollo - Duration: 1:50.

 El presidente Andrés Manuel López Obrador habló esta mañana por teléfono con su homólogo Donald Trump

 En su cuenta de Twitter, el Presidente informó que conversó con el mandatario estadunidense sobre migración

   "En términos respetuosos y de amistad, tratamos el tema migratorio y la posibilidad de aplicar un programa conjunto para el desarrollo y la creación de empleos en Centroamérica y en nuestro país", escribió López Obrador

Hoy conversamos por teléfono con el presidente Donald Trump. En términos respetuosos y de amistad, tratamos el tema migratorio y la posibilidad de aplicar un programa conjunto para el desarrollo y la creación de empleos en Centroamérica y en nuestro país

pic.twitter.com/6BHVGBIZH2— Andrés Manuel (@lopezobrador_) December 13, 2018  Al término de su conferencia mañanera, el Presidente dijo que tenía pactada una llamada que debía atender y que ya tenía programada

 Como en todas estas conversaciones diplomáticas el canciller Marcelo Ebrard acompañó al Presidente, luego de que ayer presentó en Marruecos la propuesta de gobierno para combatir la migración con una inversión conjunta entre Estados Unidos, México y Canadá para apoyar a los países centroamericanos

 nerc

For more infomation >> AMLO charla con Trump de migración y desarrollo - Duration: 1:50.

-------------------------------------------

Trump Just Set 3 Traps For Schumer, Pelosi Over Immigration - Duration: 3:12.

For more infomation >> Trump Just Set 3 Traps For Schumer, Pelosi Over Immigration - Duration: 3:12.

-------------------------------------------

El presidente de México se comunicó con el Donald Trump | Un Nuevo Día | Telemundo - Duration: 3:36.

For more infomation >> El presidente de México se comunicó con el Donald Trump | Un Nuevo Día | Telemundo - Duration: 3:36.

-------------------------------------------

Trump's ex-lawyer Michael Cohen jailed for 3 years for covering up Trump's 'dirty deeds' - Duration: 0:47.

in other news president Trump's former lawyer Michael Cohen has been sentenced

to three years in jail for a slew of irregularities surrounding president

Trump's campaign the charges include lying about Trump's business dealings in

Russia and funneling hush money to two women who claim to have had an affair

with the president once known as trumps fixer Cohen told a federal judge on

Wednesday that he took full responsibility for his actions

he added that is blind loyalty as he said to his boss led to led him to cover

up what he called Trump's dirty deeds cohen becomes the first member of

president Trump's inner circle to be jailed over special counsel Robert

mullahs probe into alleged Russian meddling in the 2016 presidential

election

For more infomation >> Trump's ex-lawyer Michael Cohen jailed for 3 years for covering up Trump's 'dirty deeds' - Duration: 0:47.

-------------------------------------------

Former Trump Lawyer Michael Cohen Sentenced To Prison - Duration: 1:16.

For more infomation >> Former Trump Lawyer Michael Cohen Sentenced To Prison - Duration: 1:16.

-------------------------------------------

Idiot Likhney Per Google Trump Ki Tasaveer Ku Dikhata Hai ? - Duration: 2:28.

Idiot Likhney Per Google Trump Ki Tasaveer Ku Dikhata Hai ?

For more infomation >> Idiot Likhney Per Google Trump Ki Tasaveer Ku Dikhata Hai ? - Duration: 2:28.

-------------------------------------------

Anthony Atamanuik Gives an Impromptu Press Conference as President Trump - Duration: 6:15.

-Now, obviously, "The President Show,"

which was a show I adored. -I did too.

-Yeah. It's sadly not coming back.

Do you miss it? Do you want a --

Do you want to, in the moment now --

I could just throw you out a few press conference questions

and get a little Trump from you? Would you mind that?

-We could improvise a little bit, sure.

-How do you feel? Are you worried today

with the indictment of Michael Cohen

that this could lead back to you now?

I mean, he specifically named you in court.

-No, Michael -- First off, Individual 1 isn't me, okay?

That's an individual, and he's one guy.

He's one guy. We don't know who he is.

And Michael was talking to him.

I don't know who he is. I'll never know him.

I'll never know Individual 1.

No matter how hard I stare into the mirror,

I'll never know him.

I'll never really know him.

Melania says she knows him.

What's the next question? -The next question is --

-Come on. Let's go.

[ Cheers and applause ]

-Obviously, I don't need to tell you this,

but Democrats took back control of the House.

And now, you know -- -Excuse me, excuse me.

They took the House. We took the Senate.

-Yeah. -And I told Chuck,

and I told Nancy the other day,

and they were at me from both sides!

They were spit-roasting me with questions.

And -- [ Laughter ]

And -- -Well, I would just say,

you know, if I could, Mr. President,

you say you took the Senate. You had the Senate.

-I had the Senate, and I took it back.

[ Laughter ]

-You lost the House.

You had the House. You lost the House.

-I never really lost the House, because the House always wins.

[ Laughter ] And we know that from a casino.

We know it from "Casino," the great Joe Pesci.

He gets put in that ditch.

And that's gonna happen to Don Jr.

if he messes up, I'll tell you that.

I'll tell you that. -Can I throw out some names

of some potential 2020 opponents, maybe?

-You can give me anybody you want.

They're all gonna lose.

And even if I lose, I promise you, I will not concede.

-Okay. What about Beto O'Rourke?

A lot of people are talking about Beto O'Rourke.

-Beto. Beto! Guy's a Beto male.

He's a total Beto male!

And he's a lanky guy, and he's big old neck apple.

You know that neck apple? -Yeah.

-The neck apple.

And Eve took a bite from the neck apple,

and then the whole thing was screwed,

so we can't have that guy. He's a snake.

-Elizabeth War-- Elizabeth Warren?

-Pocahonta-s-s-s-s.

Elizabeth Warren took the bait.

I don't know. Let me tell you,

I know a good guy named Anthony from Massachusetts

who would say, "Never let someone from Massachusetts

run for president, ever.

Doesn't anyone remember Dukakis?"

Dukakis. [ Laughter ]

Exactly.

-What about Cory Booker. -Book 'em, Danno!

Let me tell you about Cory Booker.

Guy's bald, big bald guy.

And he likes the ladies. We all know that.

He likes the ladies.

Booker, he's got a big mouth, and he used to jump over the --

He used to drive a car -- T.J. Booker, tough guy.

T.J. Booker.

And that guy totally resurrected his career from "Star Trek."

So unbelievable. -Oh, my God.

It's fantastic. Fantastic.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Both laugh ]

-It's frightening.

-Every now and then, someone would say to me,

"Hey, would you want to have the president on this show?"

And the thing I would say is, it wouldn't matter.

There's this idea that there's

a good interview out there with him

where he'll actually answer the questions that are asked.

Would you ever, though, like to, as him, interview him?

Do you think that you could maybe --

[ Laughter ]

You know, I've never thought I --

I guess, on my show, we had this same question.

And mind you, he was never gonna come to our show.

-Sure, right. -But we did have Deepak Chopra.

So, the point being -- [ Laughs ]

The point being, I don't think the value in interviewing him

is only for your own benefit, right?

Like, for your own humor benefit.

You're not gonna get information from him.

You're not gonna get anything new.

-Yeah. -And, to me, you just

serve a platform for him to peacock more.

And I think that the greatest or most bizarre thing

is that we're still, three years in,

trying to calculate what the pieces

that were missing about him,

especially in the media and his coverage,

and it's like, "There is no 'there' there."

I might have said this before but it's, like,

this is Chauncey Gardiner, like, times a thousand,

which is from "Being There."

-Put it on with your Steely Dan.

-"Put it on with your Steely Dan"!

And then get a rotary telephone and call your grandmother.

But I just don't think there's any value,

and I think that the thing is, you know, like a tumor,

which our President is a tumor on democracy,

we need to cut the oxygen off.

And the way you cut the oxygen off is stop focusing on him.

-Yeah.

-There's so many important things --

There's so many things that are important

that both sides need to deal with.

And, especially, I speak to the left, which is,

we need to think about the issues that aren't as sexy

as sort of like the marquee things of taking down Trump.

Tort reform, for instance.

I know no one wants to talk about it,

but people's rights in court are being taken away

by corporations every day,

and we have Amazon moving to New York very soon,

and arbitration is the name of the game

when it comes to trying to sue a business for money.

These are real things that affect people, right?

How we employ people, keeping children in prison.

Those things matter, and they're not interesting,

and they don't stay on the bill every day.

And prosecuting the president over a long-form period

on cable news isn't gonna do anything.

But we can do things every day that matter

by changing our behavior and how we interact

with people in our lives.

That's more important than interviewing the president.

-Well, couldn't agree more.

And thank you for being here, buddy.

It is always just such a pleasure to see you.

-Thank you so much. -Anthony Atamanuik, everybody.

For more infomation >> Anthony Atamanuik Gives an Impromptu Press Conference as President Trump - Duration: 6:15.

-------------------------------------------

Trump Freaks Out As Cohen Gets 3 Years In Prison - Duration: 3:57.

So yesterday, Michael Cohen, Donald Trump's former lawyer slash fixer, was sentenced to

three years in prison for crimes that he committed some of those were crimes that he claims he

committed at the behest of the president of the United States, Donald J. Trump.

So Trump obviously little nervous right now, kind of freaking out, and that freakout was

on full display because as usual he put it right there on Twitter for all of us to see.

Here are some excerpts from Donald Trump's Twitter tirade Thursday morning, the day after

Cohen was sentenced.

I never directed Michael Cohen to break the law.

He was a lawyer and he is supposed to know the law.

It is called advice of counsel.

And a lawyer has great liability.

If a mistake is made, that is why they get paid going was guilty on many charges unrelated

to me, but he plead to, to campaign charges which were not criminal and of which he probably

was not guilty even on a civil basis.

Those charges were just agreed to buy him in order to embarrass the president and get

a much reduced prison sentence, which he did, including the fact that his family was temporarily

let off the hook.

As a lawyer, Michael has a great liability to me.

Donald Trump says exclamation point after the me there.

All right, so lots of things to unpack obviously from this series of Asinine tweets.

First and foremost, a know what Cohen did was 100 percent illegal, even the ones that

pertain to you, Donald, and you keep arguing this is a civil case.

It's a civil case.

It's really not.

It's really not.

I don't know why you keep trying to convince people that it is, but it is 100 percent.

Not this at this point is a criminal case because you directed an illegal hush money

payment and as you say, the, uh, your lawyer should know the law and if he knew that that

was against the law, then yeah, this is not a civil case what so ever you directed that.

We know that you can't deny that it never happened because we've actually heard the

audio tapes of you and Cohen on the phone talking about it.

I remember the one where you yelled at somebody to go get you a coke.

Yeah, that tape where if you were talking about the illegal hush money payment so you

can whine and cry and be freaked out all you want.

That doesn't change the facts of this case.

Not to mention the fact that the southern district of New York, the US attorney there,

or the state attorney along with Robert Mueller, they have been able to corroborate and verify

the things that Michael Cohen told them and as such, they know that he is telling the

truth.

So you cannot come out and claim that Cohen.

Oh, just pleaded guilty to things he wasn't guilty to know.

They know, they knew.

They have the evidence.

They're Cohen knows what they have and he knows what he gave them and because it was

such value, he did not receive that substantial prison sentence that New York wanted to impose

on him and instead he only got three years colon according to prosecutors in New York,

much like yourself, Mr. Trump was motivated by greed.

He wanted more money, he wanted a more lavish lifestyle.

He wanted people to look upon him and be jealous of the way he was living and that's basically

what was spelled out in those court documents that were filed last week.

Sounds a lot like yourself, doesn't it, Mr Trump, and where do you think Cohen learned

it?

Where do you think colon learned all that?

Greed.

Where do you think Cohen learn to bend the law.

That all came from you and the more court documents that get filed, the more people

that start flipping on you, the more we're going to find out that you're a little panicked.

Excuses you're giving on Twitter are completely false and it's just your desperate attempt

to keep yourself out of prison.

For more infomation >> Trump Freaks Out As Cohen Gets 3 Years In Prison - Duration: 3:57.

-------------------------------------------

John Kelly's White House Departure & Trump's Struggle to Find a New Chief of Staff | The Daily Show - Duration: 6:36.

It's almost Christmastime at the White House, and it looks

like this year's holiday party is gonna be hella awkward.

Yet another White House shakeup, this one perplexing

even those in the president's own inner circle.

President Trump caught many off-guard this weekend

when he announced his chief of staff,

John Kelly, will be out by the end of the year.

John Kelly will be leaving, retir...

But I don't know if I can say retiring, but he's a great guy.

Uh, John Kelly will be leaving, uh, at the end of the year.

No! Not John Kelly.

He was just about to get Trump to act presidential.

He just needed one more week! So close.

And, look, I think it's fair to say

that being Trump's chief of staff did not work out well

for John Kelly, right?

Because, remember, he came into the job known

as a respected, four-star general,

and now, he's leaving the job

known as the guy who fired Omarosa.

Like, that's a downgrade.

That's actually the saddest thing about John Kelly.

It seems like his whole job was just telling other staffers

that Trump was firing them.

'Cause he had to fire Omarosa, right?

Uh, he fired Scaramucci, he fired Steve Bannon,

he fired Rex Tillerson, he fired Jeff Sessions.

I wouldn't be shocked if Trump made him fire himself.

Yeah, he was just there like,

"The president has requested your resignation."

"What? After all I've done?!"

"Please try to leave with some dignity."

"Go to hell, you son of a bitch!"

"Don't talk about our mom like that! Aah! Aah!"

So now, Trump needs a new chief of staff,

which is arguably the most important job

in the White House.

They advise the president, they control access to the president,

they get the president out of the tanning bed before he burns.

So they need to find a strong candidate.

The problem is, right now, they can't find anyone.

MAN: The president's top advisor expected

Mike Pence's chief of staff, Nick Ayers,

to replace Kelly, but over the weekend,

Ayers took himself out of the running.

Nick Ayers made clear to the president

he had plans to move his young family back home to Georgia.

Goddamn! That's how bad the job is.

President Trump offered it to some guy, and he responds

by quitting the job he already has

and fleeing to another state.

"Yeah. No, I'm going to somewhere else. Yeah. Uh..."

And it turns out, there are a lot of people

who feel the same way.

Another potential contender for White House chief of staff

rushing to take his name off the list.

This time North Carolina Republican congressman

Mark Meadows says, "Absolutely not."

MAN: Another candidate--

Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin,

who has told colleagues he is happy in his present job.

OMB director Mick Mulvaney, but the AP is reporting today

that he does not want the job.

And then, U.S. trade representative

Robert Lighthizer who's told CBS

he's entirely focused on his present job.

So it looks like a lot

of the candidates they're looking at don't want the job.

This is so depressing.

But at the same time, of course, nobody wants this job, right?

We all know by now what happens if you work for Trump.

At some point, you're gonna lose your credibility,

and then, you spend every day being insulted

by a 72-year-old five-year-old? Who would want that?

So many Americans don't want this job,

Trump might have to let a Mexican do it.

You realize that, right?

Like, he's gonna pull up to Home Depot in a truck

and be like, "I need uno el chief of staff-o."

(laughter)

(applause)

(applause and cheering)

And one of the guys there is gonna be like,

"No, señor. Deportación, por favor. Deportación.

It's better to leave."

For more on the White House's search for a chief of staff,

we turn to a man who regularly clears his search history,

-Michael Kosta, everybody! -(cheers and applause)

Thanks, Trevor. Nice to have you back, Trevor.

-Michael? -Yup.

-This is not a good look for the White House... -No.

...if they can't find anybody to fill the most important job.

Well, actually, Trevor, I think it's a branding problem.

"Chief of staff" sounds so boring and officey.

You know, they should rename the job to sound more exciting,

like "race car driver" or "Marvel's The Black Panther."

Then they'll see those résumés pour in.

Well, I-I don't know how that would work,

but-but right now, nobody wants the job.

Hmm.

You know what? (bleep) it. I'll do it.

-(laughter) -I mean, I'll do it.

-You? -Yeah.

What makes you think you're qualified

to be President Trump's chief of staff?

Well, why not? I got all the qualifications he cares about.

I'm white, I'm male, I'm straight.

I can poop standing up. I'm the whole package.

(laughter)

Why would Trump care about how you poop, dude?

I'm just saying, if he does, I've got that covered.

Okay, but, but Michael, you understand

the job itself is incredibly complex and demanding.

(scoffs) How hard could be it, Trevor?

You've seen the last two years.

Most of that job is just saying,

"Mr. President, I you wouldn't do...

Uh, whatever you want. Yeah."

All you got to do is make sure

Trump doesn't stick his finger in a socket.

It's pretty much day care,

and most of the kids I baby-sat didn't die.

(laughter)

But Michael, even if you get the job, it's not gonna end well.

Look at how Trump treats John Kelly.

-He was insulting Rex Tillerson. -Yeah.

-He humiliates people. -Oh, okay.

Oh, okay, and this job isn't humiliating?

Every time I come out here, you have me holding a chart

of a penis or a butthole.

You know that I don't even tell my family I work here?

They think I'm an intern for ISIS.

Look, you know what, Michael, shit on this job all you want--

the fact is you will never, ever be chief of staff.

-It's as simple of that. -Oh, really?

I-Is that what you think?

W-Well... well, guess what, buddy?

I'm going down to Washington, and I'm gonna apply right now!

You're wasting your time, Michael. You're a loser.

-You always will be. -What?!

You just wait, okay? The next time you hear from me,

I'm gonna be the new chief of staff!

-(cheering, applause) -Yeah! Yeah, you hear that?

So, so long, suckers!

Mi-Michael... Michael Kosta, everybody.

(cheering, applause)

Like, I'm not...

no, look, the thing is, I'm not trying to be mean,

but chief of staff?

He, like, he will never, ever be...

Sorry, what's that?

When? Now?

Oh. Wow. Um, ladies and gentlemen,

I'm getting some breaking news.

Michael Kosta...

former Daily Show correspondent,

has just been hit by a bus walking to Washington, D.C.

He was 39 years old.

No comments:

Post a Comment