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A bad week for Trump ends with Tom Price's resignation 9/29/17 - Duration: 6:49.-------------------------------------------
Puerto Ricans fire back at Trump for critical tweets - Duration: 5:29.-------------------------------------------
Donald Trump's WAR threat: 'There's no point negotiating with little rocket man' Kim - Duration: 2:45.Donald Trump's WAR threat: 'There's no point negotiating with little rocket man' Kim
President Trump cast aside the prospect of peace talks in dramatic fashion this afternoon. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said yesterday that Washington had reached out to Pyongyang in a bid to calm the recent war of words.
But in a flurry of tweets from his New Jersey golf course, Mr Trump said Tillerson is "wasting his time trying to negotiate with little rocket man". "Save your energy Rex, we'll do what has to be done," he added.
DISMISSAL: Donald Trump has shrugged off the idea of negotiating with North Korea.
It comes despite Tillerson telling a conference in China that Washington's "objective is not to get rid of North Korea". But the hermit kingdom seems to be paying more attention to the President, labelling him an "old psychopath" this morning.
And Kim Jong-un claimed the US leader is hell-bent on the "suicidal act of inviting a nuclear disaster that will reduce America to a sea of flames".
Over the summer, Kim tested several nukes and missiles – some of which are capable of striking the US mainland.
The development comes after the rogue state released propaganda images to prepare Kims people for conflict. Posters warned of a coming "great and decisive war against America", urging North Koreans to prepare for battle.
Citizens in the capital Pyongyang were snapped pasting the propaganda messages on all public places to hammer Kims point home. Fears of a conflict in the region reached boiling point recently after President Trump warned he would "totally destroy" Kims regime.
He described the tubby tyrant as a "rocket man on a suicide mission" in a barnstorming debut speech at the UN. And the state responded by stressing their right to nuclear weapons, labelling Trump "deranged" in the process.
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Trump Spars With San Juan Mayor - Duration: 2:33.-------------------------------------------
What's the latest Trump-Russia investigation news? 9/30/17 - Duration: 10:47.-------------------------------------------
Trump's Hypocrisy Problem: Private Planes, Private Emails, And Public Humiliation - Duration: 4:28.When Donald Trump was campaigning to be President of the United States, the phrase drain the
swamp became one of the centerpieces of that campaign.
It's something that Republicans, Trump supporters on Twitter still tweet out when talking to
the President, about the President.
They really believe that he has drained the swamp in Washington, D.C.
So, let's take a good hard look at what that newly drained swamp looks like.
Well, it looks a hell of a lot like American taxpayers have paid $300,000 for Health and
Human Services Secretary, Tom Price, to fly on private jets zipping all around this country.
$300,000 at the expense of U.S. taxpayers to spend his time on private jets.
The most recent one was a trip to Nashville from D.C. that cost taxpayers a little over,
I think, $17,000, because Tom Price is too good to fly commercial.
He's got to take those private jets for whatever the hell it is he's doing.
Scott Pruitt at the EPA is doing the same thing.
They're out there taking both personal trips and business trips on private jets at the
expense of U.S. taxpayers.
That's not exactly draining the swamp.
What it is draining are the federal government's cash reserves, because not only are they spending
our tax dollars, but you're also trying to cut taxes for the wealthy, so there's going
to be even less, fewer tax dollars for these guys to spend on private jets.
But I'm sure the Trump administration will find a way to pay for more of these flights,
possibly by killing Medicaid and after-school programs and things like that.
You know, those aren't as important as having your idiots that work for you fly around in
private jets.
But private jets aren't the only problem.
Another centerpiece of the Trump campaign was lock her up.
Remember that chant that Republicans would say at the Trump rallies in reference to Hillary
Clinton for using a private email account?
Well, as it turns out, we now have no fewer than six people within the Trump administration
who have been caught using private email accounts for official government work, a move that
is potentially illegal, depending on the expansion and the definition of the Presidential Records
Act.
If they're running any campaign issues through their personal email accounts on White House
equipment, that would be a violation of the Hatch Act.
So far there's no indication that either one of those Acts have been violated.
But what has been violated is our right as American citizens to not have such a hypocritical
President and administration in office.
They wanted to put Hillary Clinton behind bars forever because she used a private email
account, and now six people, including two members of Trump's own family, have been busted
doing the same thing.
That is one of the ... I mean, that's the height of hypocrisy at this point.
That's what we're living in and they don't seem to see a problem with it.
Yeah, technically, what these people are doing is not illegal, but when you made your entire
campaign about one woman using a private email while she worked in the federal government,
then six of your people turn around and do the same thing, you have a very real problem
on your hands, Mr. President, because you're the one who made this an issue.
Donald Trump has suffered public humiliation after public humiliation.
Really, in the last week alone, he got trounced by the NFL, his candidate du jour of Alabama
lost, and so he had to go back and delete all those tweets supporting him.
The private plane issue is now under investigation by Congress, and damn near everybody in his
administration's trying to use private emails to conduct official White House business.
And this is all, folks, in the span of one very bad week for President Trump.
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Trump Invents "Hospitalized" Senator To Lie His Way Out Of Healthcare Bill Failure - Duration: 4:33.Donald Trump has a very interesting explanation as to why the Republican healthcare bill has
failed yet again in the United States senate.
Take a look.
This is Donald Trump yesterday on the White House lawn explaining to reporters why this
bill failed.
I just wanted to say, though, on healthcare, we have the votes for healthcare.
We have one senator that's in the hospital.
He can't vote because he's in the hospital.
You talking about Cochran?
He can't vote because he's in the hospital.
We have two other votes that are coming and we will have that.
But the problem is we can't have them by Friday because the reconciliation ends on Friday.
So, what do you do?
So, we'll have to do it in January or February.
But I feel we have the votes.
I'm almost certain we have the votes.
But with one man in the hospital, we cannot display that we have them.
But some people want to go through a process just to make themselves feel better.
That's okay.
What do you mean?
What do you mean by that?
Mr. President-
There are several interesting things to point out about this.
First of all, you could tell from Donald Trump's reaction when the reporter asked him if he's
talking about Thad Cochran that he has no idea who he's actually talking about.
Somebody clearly told him, "Hey, just say somebody was in the hospital and we didn't
have the votes."
So, he repeated it.
In the clip, he repeats it and repeats it and repeats it because that's all he knows
to say.
But more importantly, this bill was deemed dead before Thad Cochran even went to the
hospital and he didn't even stay in the hospital.
It was an outpatient type thing.
He had an illness, he went to the hospital to get it checked out or do whatever testS
he needed to do and he left.
He did not stay overnight.
He even tweeted out later that, "Hey, I'm not in the hospital."
But again, the more important thing is the fact that the bill was dead because they didn't
have the votes before any of Cochran's health issues even came into it.
Cochran did not play a role in helping to kill the healthcare bill.
It was people like Murkowski and Collins and even McCain and Rand Paul.
Those people stood up and said, "Absolutely not.
This is still a horrible piece of legislation.
Not going to let it fly."
But Donald Trump can't take responsibility for that.
He doesn't want to take responsibility for it because he doesn't want people to think
that he was once again unable as the leader of the Republicans in D.C. to bring them all
together to support this horrible piece of legislation.
He is incompetent and he doesn't want people to know it.
So, he blames it on all sorts of outside factors.
There was a guy in the hospital.
It was raining that day and some of the senators don't like to drive in the rain.
There was a really big spider on the door of the Senate and they wouldn't go inside.
Whatever stupid thing he comes up with is only to make himself not look bad.
It wouldn't matter the real reason to Donald Trump because in his mind, it's everyone else's
fault.
But here's the thing.
When you sit as the President of the United States, whatever your party is, you become
the de facto leader.
It is your job as President of the United States to speak with members of both parties
and get them to come together on legislation.
You failed to do it.
It's not Cochran's fault because he got sick.
It's not Murkowski or Collins' or McCain's or Paul's fault because they don't want to
support your bad legislation.
It's your fault for pushing a bill that would have stripped 32 million people of their health
insurance coverage.
Keep in mind, folks.
This fight's not over.
Trump himself admitted it there.
January, February, possibly even sooner, we're going to have to go through this whole ordeal
once again.
But as long as people continue to make those phone calls and send those emails and even
fax your complaints to these senators, we can continue to fight this thing off until
we get enough Democrats in D.C. to finally get Republicans off the healthcare issue and
to get Donald Trump completely out of office.
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BREAKING: Governor of U.S. Virgin Islands Rises Up, Issues Shocking Trump Message |Top Stories Today - Duration: 3:26.As we speak, Democrats and the mainstream media are trying to turn the situation in
Puerto Rico into President Donald Trump's version of Hurricane Katrina.
Well, one Caribbean leader is not going along with media's script.
According to Newsmax, Governor Kenneth Mapp of the U.S. Virgin Islands released a public
statement that reaffirmed President Trump's commitment to the territory.
It read, "President Donald J. Trump, his White House team, the Federal Emergency Management
Agency and our other federal partners have given us tremendous support."
Governor Mapp thanked others for their help, including US Virgin Islands native and NBA
star Tim Duncan.
However, Governor Mapp was also quick to point out that his territory still needs a lot of
work.
The governor's statement included a direct request for more private aid money, which
read, "We still need a great deal of help and I am asking all of our friends in the
U.S. Congress for help and to support www.usvirecovery.org so we may rebuild America's paradise, known
as the U.S. Virgin Islands," he said.
"If there was ever a time that the four million American citizens living in the Virgin
Islands and Puerto Rico need your help, it is now."
In reviewing the damage suffered by the US Virgin Islands, it is not hard to see why
money and aid is still needed.
Thanks to Hurricanes Irma and Maria, many citizens in the US Virgin Islands are still
without power, shelter, food, or clean drinking water.
More than 100,000 residents have been rendered homeless thanks to these natural disasters.
Many have reported that Irma and Maria have set the infrastructure of the US Virgin Islands
back by decades.
However, according to Governor Mapp, the USVI are already on the road towards recovery thanks
to the hard work of the Trump administration, which has already been hit by three major
hurricanes this year.
As bad as Puerto Rico is right now, the damage it sustained due to Hurricane Maria was on
par with what the USVI suffered.
There are some key differences that explain why the media is so quick to talk about Puerto
Rico — and not the US Virgin Islands.
On the one hand, Puerto Rico is a larger island, and is more densely populated.
There are also far more Puerto Ricans living stateside than Virgin Islanders.
More importantly, prior to the hurricane, Puerto Rico was in terrible shape.
Thanks to decades of corruption and kleptocratic governments, San Juan has an awful infrastructure
and its social services were already at the breaking point before Maria made landfall.
Also, for years, Puerto Rico's economy has been in the red and has required numerous
American bailouts.
While it may not be good "optics" for him to say it, President Trump is correct
in characterizing Puerto Rico as a mess long before the hurricane came.
Hopefully, the ongoing recovery in the U.S. Virgin Islands will be repeated in Puerto
Rico.
It is clear though, that San Juan needs a lot of help, and Washington, D.C. may be getting
tired of constantly bailing out Puerto Rico.
U.S. Virgin Islands Governor pleased with support from FEMA and White House.
Is Trump getting a bad rap from his hurricane response?
what do you think about this?
Please Share this news and Scroll down to comment below and don't forget to subscribe
top stories today.
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Trump's Staffers Hiring Headhunters To Find Them New Jobs - Duration: 3:37.Now it's no secret that staffers within the Donald Trump White House have been unhappy
with their job basically since day one.
As early as March stories started coming out about how staffers were miserable, how they
didn't like to be around Donald Trump, how his erratic behavior and instantaneous anger
led them to live on pins and needles not knowing who they were going to be facing that day
in terms of Donald Trump's personality.
On top of the fact, they're constantly berating the President behind the scenes to one another,
they do not take him seriously and they do not think that he's doing a good job.
In spite of all of that, in spite of all of those reports, Donald Trump has been telling
us constantly, especially recently after a slew of firings at the end of the summer,
that things in The White House are running smooth, smoother than ever.
Probably the most smooth the White House has ever been.
Well, as it turns out that's not the case, and in fact those staffers who don't really
like their jobs, they've actually gone out and they're now hiring job head hunters and
talking to employment agencies to find them new jobs outside of The White House, possibly
outside of government altogether.
Whatever they can do to get rid of Trump.
Now this is according to a new report by Politico, but yes, the staffers inside The White House
who promised to stay on at least through the end of the year have decided that they can't
take it anymore and they want to get away from Donald Trump.
I don't know if anybody has ever tried to hire a head hunter or looked into any of those
services.
It's actually very expensive.
It costs a lot of money to hire a good recruiter to find you a decent job, especially in a
city like Washington, DC.
But these people are so fed up with their position in the Trump Administration, so fed
up with having to constantly lie and pamper this toddler man-baby President that they
have decided to incur those costs in order to find a different job where they won't go
about hating their lives from sun up to sundown.
But that's what we're dealing with here.
Donald Trump told us when he came into office that he was only going to hire the best people,
just the best people.
Well, it turns out the best people don't want to work with you.
We have seen a number of people decline invitations from you to be appointed for positions and
now even your regular staffers who weren't elected, they're not high profile people,
they didn't have to go through Senate confirmations, they don't even want to be around you.
You know, I do have to applaud these people to an extent.
I couldn't imagine what it would be like having to work for Donald Trump for eight months,
let alone an entire calendar year.
So for them lasting this long, I think that's pretty darn good and I think that's something
that should go on a resume.
Not that you worked for Donald Trump for eight months, but that you were able to work and
put up with Donald Trump for a solid eight months.
These people should be able to find new jobs pretty quickly once you consider that particular
feat on a resume because there's not too many people in this country that could stand to
be around a guy like Donald Trump for more than a day, let alone eight solid months.
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Trump Jr. Cancelled Secret Service Protection So He Could Go Kill A Moose - Duration: 4:17.Awhile back when it was announced that Donald Trump, Jr. would be giving up his Secret Service
detail protection, there were a lot of rumors swirling as to why Trump Jr. would no longer
want Secret Service around him to protect him.
One of the things many people had thought was that was cause he didn't want the Secret
Service to overhear any kind of secretive conversations that he was having.
But as it turns out, the truth is a lot less sinister than that.
In fact, the truth has more to do with Donald Trump, Jr.'s insecurity as a man than it does
about any kind of scandalous behavior because reports are now saying that Donald Trump,
Jr., the reason he wanted to get rid of his Secret Service detail, was cause he wanted
to go hunting in Canada to kill what he killed what he called, "A very big moose."
This little man, this little insecure man, wanted his Secret Service out of the way so
that he could go into the wilderness and kill a very large docile animal without the animal
ever seeing him or having a chance to fight back.
Because that's the kind of man that Trump Jr. really is.
He has to go out and kill something bigger than him, something that could potentially
be dangerous, just so that he can feel like a real guy for a few minutes.
Because for some reason, his anatomy, maybe his hormone levels, maybe they're just not
quite right, and he doesn't feel like a dude when he walks around.
So he decides to go kill a thing.
He didn't want the Secret Service there because then it becomes a whole ordeal.
The press is there because they notice all the Secret Service.
Maybe the Secret Service blabs to the press.
He didn't want that.
Since that big hunting trip occurred, Trump Jr. has now had his Secret Service detail
reinstated.
I know a lot of people are okay with hunting.
I'm okay with hunting if you're out hunting for actual food and you're gonna use it.
Killing an animal for fun, that's not something I'm ever okay with.
In fact, psychologists will tell you that's one of the traits of a psychopath.
That is pretty much what Donald Trump Jr. is.
He loves to travel around the world and kill big game animals because again makes him feel
like a man for a few seconds, maybe even a few days.
But there is something missing from his life, from his brain, possibly from his own hormone
levels, that is preventing him from being able to feel accomplished, from feeling complete.
He's trying to fill that hole by going out there and killing things larger than him.
There is something psychologically wrong with this man.
I know we've spent a lot of time talking about Trump Sr.'s psychological problems, but I
think it's time we also focused on little Jr. because whatever Trump Sr. is suffering
from, Jr. is suffering from it to an exponential level.
This is not normal behavior.
This is not what a rational thinking son of a president goes out and does.
Basically fires the Secret Service for a few days so he can go out and kill a moose up
in Canada.
Something's wrong here.
If we are beyond past time to get these idiots out of the White House, so we don't have to
deal with crap like this anymore.
You know, I'm getting tired of talking about Trump and his idiotic family and the stupid
things they do and the harm they're inflicting upon America.
It's up to Congress at this point to do something, to act on it, to get these people out of office
so we can work on actually rebuilding this country and start talking about issues that
actually matter.
Instead of having to waste time talking about psychopath Jr. going out and wanting to hunt
a moose so I can feel like big, strong man for a few minutes.
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Trump Said Tax Plan Won't Help Him Personally. It'll Save Him $1 Billion - Duration: 3:20.During the early stages of the Republican Tax Reform Plan, which was worked on by both
Republicans in the House and Senate, as well as Donald Trump himself, Trump insisted, on
several different occasions during press conferences and Q&As with the press, that he would not
benefit from this tax plan, whatsoever.
He also said, "If the wealthy have to pay more, then they have to pay more."
I'm sure we all remember that little video clip going around.
Trump made it sound like he was doing this for the middle class, and that he, himself,
would be the one to be screwed over by his own tax plan, because sometimes that's what
needs to happen.
Well, as it turns out, just like every other thing Donald Trump has ever said, that was
a blatant lie.
In fact, Donald Trump is going to save an estimated one billion dollars if this tax
reform package passes.
One billion dollars.
One man, one billion dollars.
You know what happens to the rest of us in this country, the majority of us?
Our taxes go up, because of some of the deductions that they are getting rid of, and due to the
fact that bottom earners are going to see their taxes go from 10% to 12%, in order to
compensate for the lost revenue from giving billionaires like Trump, and the Koch brothers
a huge tax break.
Is that fair?
No, it's not.
Not by any stretch of the imagination.
Is it going to create jobs, like Paul Ryan tells us every day?
Not even close.
How do we know that?
Because they've done this before many times, and every single time, it's led us into a
recession.
This time will be no different.
Corporations aren't not hiring people because they don't have the money, because they're
paying it in taxes, they're not hiring people because they don't need people, or because
they want to hire people overseas who will work for less money.
Lowering the corporate tax rate, which again benefits Donald Trump, is not going to make
these corporations bring their money back to the United States, that they're hiding
offshore, because even lowering it from 35 to 20%, 20% is still higher than 0%, which
is what they're currently paying when they stash it offshore in the Cayman Islands, or
over in Switzerland.
Nothing is going to be good enough for them until the tax rate is zero.
Stop listening to the lies of people like Donald Trump and Paul Ryan, and every other
Republican who's still trying to shove this absolutely outdated, and outright false, trickle-down
lie down our throats.
It will not work.
It has not worked.
It does not work, and the guy who created it, says it could never work.
But they're still doing it, and they're lying to us about it every single time they talk
about it.
Donald Trump is the guy who's going to benefit the most from this piece of legislation, and
that is one of the main reasons that he wanted to be elected President of the United States,
so that he could put more money back into his own pockets.
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Mueller's Witch Hunt Finds Nothing on Trump, But Look Which Obama Truth Surfaced | Top Stories Today - Duration: 3:03.Though special counsel Robert Mueller has thus far uncovered zero evidence that President
Donald Trump colluded with the Russians to affect the outcome of the 2016 presidential
election, a far more shocking revelation regarding former President Barack Obama has made its
way to the surface.
"US investigators wiretapped former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort under secret
court orders before and after the election, sources tell CNN, an extraordinary step involving
a high-ranking campaign official now at the center of the Russia meddling probe," CNN
revealed in a bombshell scoop last week.
Obama administration investigators also reportedly wiretapped Trump advisers Carter Page, Michael
Flynn and others.
While it remains unclear how this information was unearthed, CNN's sources claim Mueller's
team "has been provided details of these communications."
But the more pressing point are the implications of this discovery.
"If these reports are accurate, it means U.S. intelligence agencies secretly surveilled
at least a half dozen Trump associates," veteran journalist Sharyl Attkisson explained
in a column for The Hill.
"And those are just the ones we know about."
In other words, "(i)t looks like Obama did spy on Trump, just as he apparently did to
me," she added, referencing an allegation she made several years back that Obama's
Justice Department had attempted to hack into her personal and work computers in 2013.
What remains unknown is whether any of this sketchy behavior was actually legal.
Attkisson noted, however, that even if these hacks and wiretaps were legal, that doesn't
take away from the shadiness of it all.
The truth is, the revelation shows Obama and his administration were actively engaged in
surveillance of American citizens that would have been unthinkable not all that long ago.
As Attkisson writes: "It seems that government monitoring of journalists, members of Congress
and political enemies — under multiple administrations — has become more common than anyone would
have imagined two decades ago … So has the unmasking of sensitive and highly protected
names by political officials."
Agreed.
From targeting conservative organizations via the IRS to trying to force the Little
Sisters of the Poor to pay for abortifacients, the Obama administration waged a relentless
assault on the American people's constitutionally guaranteed rights and liberties.
Will Mueller look into this new information and act accordingly, though?
Considering his decision to line his team with leftists, I think the answer is likely
a resounding "no."
Please share this news on Facebook and Twitter and let us know what you think about these
revelations about the Obama administration.
What do you think about Obama's attacks on the American people's rights and liberties?
Scroll down to comment below and don't forget to subscribe top stories today.
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Trump And Paul Ryan's Tax Plan Is A $5 Trillion Giveaway To The Wealthy - Duration: 4:52.On Wednesday afternoon, we finally got a clear picture of what exactly is in this tax reform
plan that Donald Trump and Republicans in congress have been working on for so long.
This is something that Paul Ryan himself has personally tweeted about, pretty much every
thirty minutes for the last month, because it's the only thing he can think of.
As the details yesterday were revealed, it was pretty much exactly what we expected it
would be, which is a $5 trillion giveaway to the top 1% and to corporations.
Now, five trillion is the total cost of all of the cuts within this new tax reform package
that Republicans have put forward.
Not necessarily all of the five trillion is going to the top 1%, but almost all of it
is.
Here are just a few of the highlights, I'd guess you'd call them, from this tax reform
bill.
The top income earners in this country, people like Donald Trump and his family, their tax
rate is gonna fall from 39% to 25%, a 14 percentage point drop.
The corporate tax rate is gonna be cut from 35% to 20%, a 15 percentage point drop for
them.
The inheritance tax, absolutely gone.
So when Donald Trump finally kicks the bucket, his kids don't have to worry about paying
taxes on any of the money that they get from him, nor do any of the other children of wealthy
people in this country.
These inheritance babies get their hands on it tax-free, to with what they please.
The most interesting part though, because we expected the top 1% tax breaks, the corporate
tax break, it's a huge giveaway to them.
What's really interesting, and something that hasn't gotten a whole hell of a lot of attention
for some reason, is the fact that Donald Trump claimed this tax package was gonna be relief
for middle-class workers and for the underclass.
It actually literally raises their taxes.
The bottom tax rate is going up from 10% to 12%.
It's only a two percentage point increase, but when you consider the fact that corporations
are getting their taxes cut by 15%, wealthy families like the Trumps, and the Waltons,
and the Cokes are getting their taxes cut by 14%, we're gonna pay for that, according
to this tax reform package, by increasing taxes on the poor.
The people who cannot afford to give any more money are having to now more, so that the
federal government can hand it back over to the wealthy elite.
This is by far the most disgusting, and dishonest, and hurtful, and economically harmful piece
of legislation that the Republican party of the United States has ever put forward, ever.
In addition to raising taxes on the bottom income earners, they're eliminating the personal
exemption for taxes, which disproportionately is going the affect the middle-class, meaning
that a standard deduction that they usually get at $4,000 is now going away.
They don't get that exemption anymore.
Their taxes are going up to pay for the tax breaks to corporations, and millionaires,
and billionaires.
Can anyone, anyone out there watching this, explain to me how this is fair?
How the people who are working their asses off day in and day out, still unable to get
by, feed their family, provide medication for their family, can't afford health insurance,
we're asking them to pay more, so that we can give more money to the people cruising
around on private jets, on their yachts, running massive corporations, price gouging American
consumers, bleeding their workers dry, not giving them raises, fighting against increasing
the minimum wage, buying and selling congressmen.
Those are the people we're giving more money to with this tax reform package.
That is what is in this piece of legislation, and again, exactly what we expected it to
be.
But I guess some part of us, some little, tiny part of us maybe thought, maybe there
would be something in there that would give the middle-class and the bottom earners a
little bot of hope.
Instead, we're pulling more money out of their pockets, to put more money back in the pockets
of people like Donald Trump, Charles and David Coke, and the entire Walton family, because
those are the only human beings on this planet that the Republican party actually cares about.
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Weekend Update on Hurricane Maria - SNL - Duration: 9:16.<b>>> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND </b>
<b>UPDATE," WITH COLIN JOST, AND </b>
<b>MICHAEL CHE.</b>
<b>[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]</b>
<b>>> THANK YOU, GOOD EVENING, </b>
<b>EVERYONE.</b>
<b>>> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE" </b>
<b>I'M MICHAEL CHE.</b>
<b>>> AND I'M COLIN JOST.</b>
<b>Well after President</b>
<b>Trump was criticized for a</b>
<b>terrible response to Hurricane</b>
<b>Maria.</b>
<b>This morning he finally gave</b>
<b>the people of Puerto Rico what</b>
<b>they needed most.</b>
<b>A bunch of tweets straight up</b>
<b>calling them lazy.</b>
<b>>>> TRUMP SAYS THE PEOPLE OF </b>
<b>PUERTO RICO, QUOTE, WANT </b>
<b>EVERYTHING TO BE DONE FOR THEM".</b>
<b>THEN HE TOLD HIS CADDY TO REPAIR</b>
<b>HIS DIFFICULTY AND DRIVE HIM TO </b>
<b>THE NEXT HOLE.</b>
<b>TRUMP ALWAYS SAID HE WAS GOING </b>
<b>TO GET THINGS DONE FASTER THAN </b>
<b>ANY OTHER PRESIDENT.</b>
<b>NOW I BELIEVE HIM.</b>
<b>IT TOOK GEORGE W. BUSH TO GET </b>
<b>HIS KATRINA.</b>
<b>MEANWHILE, RAPPER PITBULL HAS </b>
<b>LOANED OUT HIS PRIVATE JET TO </b>
<b>HELP RESCUE PEOPLE IN PUERTO </b>
<b>RICO.</b>
<b>WOW, IF ONLY DONALD TRUMP KNEW </b>
<b>SOMEONE WITH A PRIVATE JET.</b>
<b>[ LAUGHTER ]</b>
<b>HOW IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE </b>
<b>UNITED STATES WORSE AT </b>
<b>HUMANITARIAN AID THAN PITBULL.</b>
<b>AND YOU KNOW PITBULL IS DOING IT</b>
<b>WHILE ALSO FEATURING ON FOUR </b>
<b>DIFFERENT TRACKS AND HOSTING </b>
<b>FOAM PARTIES FOR BUD LIGHT.</b>
<b>TRUMP IS BUSY DOING THE REAL </b>
<b>WORK, MAKING EXCUSES WHILE HALF </b>
<b>EXPLAINING WHAT AN ISLAND IS.</b>
<b>JUST WATCH.</b>
<b>>> THIS IS AN ISLAND, SURROUNDED</b>
<b>BY WATER, BIG WATER, OCEAN </b>
<b>WATER.</b>
<b>>> WATER YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN?</b>
<b>THIS ISN'T A TREACHEROUS </b>
<b>JOURNEY.</b>
<b>IT'S PUERTO RICO.</b>
<b>NOT SKULL ISLAND.</b>
<b>CRUISE SHIPS FULL OF RETIRED </b>
<b>AUNTS GO THERE EVERY DAY.</b>
<b>I THINK TRUMP IS WORKING OF ONE </b>
<b>OF THOSE OLD SAILOR MAPS WITH </b>
<b>SEA MONSTERS ON IT.</b>
<b>>> AFTER THE MAYOR OF SAN JUAN </b>
<b>CRITICIZED THE GOVERNMENT'S </b>
<b>PUERTO RICAN RELIEF EFFORTS </b>
<b>PRESIDENT TRUMP ATTACKED HER ON </b>
<b>TWITTER SAYING, "THE MAYOR OF </b>
<b>SAN JUAN WHO WAS VERY </b>
<b>COMPLIMENTARY ONLY A FEW DAYS </b>
<b>AGO.</b>
<b>HAS NOW BEEN TOLD BY THE </b>
<b>DEMOCRATS THAT YOU MUST BE NASTY</b>
<b>TO TRUMP."</b>
<b>OH, REALLY, DONALD?</b>
<b>YOU BITCH.</b>
<b>WAS SHE NASTY TO YOU?</b>
<b>HOW NASTY?</b>
<b>ARE YOU SHAKING?</b>
<b>DO YOU WANT TO SMOKE A VIRGINIA </b>
<b>SLIM UNTIL YOUR HAND STOPS </b>
<b>MOVING?</b>
<b>THIS ISN'T A COMPLICATED ISSUE, </b>
<b>MAN, IT'S HURRICANE RELIEF.</b>
<b>YOU JUST DID THIS VERY SAME </b>
<b>THING FOR WHITE PEOPLE, TWICE.</b>
<b>SO, TELL MELANIA TO PUT ON HER </b>
<b>FLOOD HEELS.</b>
<b>GET YOU SOME BOTTLED WATER, SOME</b>
<b>FOOD, SOME ATLANTA FALCONS SUPER</b>
<b>BOWL T-SHIRTS, WRITE A CHECK AND</b>
<b>-- WITH OUR MONEY, YOU CHEAP </b>
<b>CRACKER.</b>
<b>IN ONE MONTH YOU HAVE MISHANDLED</b>
<b>PUERTO RICO, DACA, THE NFL.</b>
<b>IT'S LIKE WHEN ANYBODY DARKER </b>
<b>THAN YOUR GOLF PANTS HAS A </b>
<b>PROBLEM YOU ARE THINKING HOW CAN</b>
<b>I MAKE THIS WORSE.</b>
<b>HEALTH AND SERVICES SECRETARY </b>
<b>TOM PRICE WAS CAUGHT USING </b>
<b>ALMOST A MILLION DOLLARS IN </b>
<b>TAXPAYER MONEY TO FRIDAY ON </b>
<b>PRIVATE JETS.</b>
<b>THAT'S COOL YOU RESIGNED, BUT </b>
<b>HOW ABOUT YOU PAY BACK THE </b>
<b>MONEY?</b>
<b>YOU CAN'T WALK INTO A STORE AND </b>
<b>DO A MILLION DOLLARS WORTH OF </b>
<b>DAMAGE AND THEN BE LIKE I GET </b>
<b>IT, I'LL LEAVE.</b>
<b>MAN, WE WANT YOU TO PAY.</b>
<b>YOU CAN MAKE THAT MILLION BACK </b>
<b>WHEN YOU PUBLISH YOUR MEMOIR, </b>
<b>ALL THE PLACES YOU'LL GO ON A </b>
<b>GOVERNMENT FUNDED PRIVATE JET.</b>
<b>>>> THIS WEEK PRESIDENT TRUMP </b>
<b>CONTINUED HIS CRITICISM OF NFL </b>
<b>PLAYERS WHO TOOK A KNEE DURING </b>
<b>THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.</b>
<b>HE FIGURED CNN MSNBC ALREADY </b>
<b>HATE ME, HOW CAN I GET ESPN TO </b>
<b>HAID MADE ME, TOO.</b>
<b>BECAUSE TRUMP NEEDS EVERY </b>
<b>NETWORK TALKING ABOUT HIM, NEXT </b>
<b>HE IS GOING TO TWEET AT </b>
<b>NICKELODEON THAT THEY NEED TO </b>
<b>SHOW US DORA'S PAPERS.</b>
<b>>> THE COMMISSIONER OF THE NBA </b>
<b>SAID THAT HE EXPECTED PLAYERS TO</b>
<b>FOLLOW LEAGUE RULES AND STAND </b>
<b>DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.</b>
<b>THE NBA IS WHAT, 130, 140% </b>
<b>BLACK?</b>
<b>WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU GOING TO DO</b>
<b>IF THEY ALL DECIDE TO KNEEL?</b>
<b>HAVE THE NEW YORK PORZINGIS PLAY</b>
<b>THE SAN ANTONIO GINOBILI?</b>
<b>AND, HOW DID THIS GUY GET TO BE </b>
<b>THE COMMISSIONER OF THE NBA </b>
<b>ANYWAY?</b>
<b>HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY PUT A </b>
<b>SUIT ON A SEX TOY.</b>
<b>IT'S HARD TO ASK BLACK PLAYERS </b>
<b>TO RESPECT THE FLAG WHEN THEY </b>
<b>KNOW THIS COUNTRY CARES MORE </b>
<b>ABOUT IT THAN US.</b>
<b>OKAY?</b>
<b>WE LOVE THE FLAG, IT'S JUST THAT</b>
<b>WHITE GUYS REALLY LOVE THE FLAG.</b>
<b>I MEAN, IT'S ONE THING TO LIKE </b>
<b>I BET IF YOU ASK A BLACK PERSON,</b>
<b>DO YOU LOVE AMERICA?</b>
<b>HE'S LIKE, WHOA I LOVE BROOKLYN,</b>
<b>I AM RESERVING JUDGMENT ON THE </b>
<b>DAKOTAS.</b>
<b>>> ANGELA MERKEL WAS REELECTED </b>
<b>AS CHANCELLOR OF GERMANY FOR A </b>
<b>FOURTH TERM AND IS NOW THE </b>
<b>LONGEST SERVING LEADER IN </b>
<b>EUROPE.</b>
<b>HERE TO COMMENT IS GERMAN </b>
<b>CHANCELLOR ANGELA MERKEL.</b>
<b>[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]</b>
<b>>> OH, YEAH, I AM THE WINNER, </b>
<b>YAY!</b>
<b>YAY!</b>
<b>>> WAIT, WAIT, ARE YOU HAPPY </b>
<b>THAT YOU WON?</b>
<b>>> YES.</b>
<b>OF COURSE I'M HAPPY.</b>
<b>IS THAT NOT COMING ACROSS?</b>
<b>I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY SMILE.</b>
<b>YAY!</b>
<b>>> IT LOOKS A LITTLE TORTURED.</b>
<b>>> OKAY.</b>
<b>WELL, TO BE HONEST, COLIN PART </b>
<b>OF ME WAS HOPING TO RETIRE EVEN </b>
<b>THOUGH THE AVERAGE RETIREMENT </b>
<b>AGE IN GERMANY IS 87, AT WHICH </b>
<b>POINT YOU TRANSITION INTO MANUAL</b>
<b>LABOR.</b>
<b>ALSO, MY VICTORY WAS BITTER </b>
<b>SWEET BECAUSE THE FAR, FAR RIGHT</b>
<b>PARTY WON SEATS IN OUR </b>
<b>PARLIAMENT FOR THE FIRST TIME </b>
<b>SINCE THE -- YOU KNOW.</b>
<b>>> WHAT WAS THAT?</b>
<b>>> YOU KNOW, THE --</b>
<b>>> THE NAZIS.</b>
<b>GOT YOU, YEAH.</b>
<b>YEAH, I GOT TO SAY YOU SEEM </b>
<b>STRESSED OUT CHANCELLOR.</b>
<b>>> OH, THANK YOU.</b>
<b>>> NO, I MEAN I'M WORRIED ABOUT </b>
<b>YOU, I'M WORRIED THAT YOU ARE </b>
<b>DEALING WITH A LOT.</b>
<b>>> YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.</b>
<b>IT'S LIKE EVERYONE IN EUROPE IS </b>
<b>HAVING A ROWDY SLUMBER PARTY AND</b>
<b>I'M THE MEAN MOM WHO HAS TO SEND</b>
<b>THEM TO BED WITHOUT THEIR </b>
<b>RADISHES.</b>
<b>>> DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLIES LEFT </b>
<b>>> NO ALLIES.</b>
<b>MOSTLY ACTORS THESE DAYS.</b>
<b>EXCEPT OH, FOR THAT FRENCH HUNK </b>
<b>MACRON, OOH-LA-LA.</b>
<b>GET ME SOME DIAPHRAGMS.</b>
<b>I THINK OF THIS GUY I'M LIKE, </b>
<b>OBAMA WHO?</b>
<b>BARACK IS IT WORKING?</b>
<b>AM I MAKING YOU JEALOUS?</b>
<b>LEAVE MICHELE.</b>
<b>>> OH NO, YOU'RE STILL THAT HUNG</b>
<b>UP ON OBAMA, HUH?</b>
<b>>> I KNOW I MUST ACCEPT THAT </b>
<b>IT'S OVER AND MOVE ON.</b>
<b>SO, I DECIDED TO GET RID OF </b>
<b>EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE THAT </b>
<b>REMINDS ME OF HIM.</b>
<b>THIS LOVE LETTER I WROTE HIM BUT</b>
<b>NEVER SENT.</b>
<b>TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, I </b>
<b>RESPECT YOU, TEPID REGARDS, </b>
<b>MERKEL.</b>
<b>A MIX CD I MADE YOU BUT WAS TOO </b>
<b>SHY TO GIVE.</b>
<b>IT'S A MIX OF ALL THE SONGS BY </b>
<b>CREED.</b>
<b>A PICTURE OF US AT THE G20 </b>
<b>SUMMIT.</b>
<b>I WAS COLD AND YOU LET ME BORROW</b>
<b>YOUR JACKET.</b>
<b>TURNS OUT WE WERE WEARING THE </b>
<b>SAME SUIT.</b>
<b>I HAD TO STOP FOLLOWING HIM ON </b>
<b>SOCIAL MEDIA SO I WOULDN'T BE </b>
<b>TEMPTED THE SLIDE INTO HIS DMs.</b>
<b>ONE NIGHT I HAD ONE TOO MANY </b>
<b>SHOTS, ONE.</b>
<b>AND I SENT HIM A PICTURE OF MY </b>
<b>BARE KNEE.</b>
<b>HE WROTE BACK, IS THAT A PEELED </b>
<b>POTATO?</b>
<b>[ LAUGHTER ]</b>
<b>>> WOW.</b>
<b>IT REALLY MUST BE HARD TO GO </b>
<b>FROM OBAMA TO TRUMP.</b>
<b>AND I ALSO HEARD THAT TRUMP </b>
<b>WAITED FOUR DAYS BEFORE HE </b>
<b>CALLED YOU TO SAY CONGRATS.</b>
<b>>> FOUR DAYS.</b>
<b>FOUR DAYS, HE WAITS.</b>
<b>WHICH IN GERMANY IS LIKE </b>
<b>20 BUSINESS DAYS.</b>
<b>FINALLY I SENT HIM A TINY </b>
<b>E-MAIL, I WAS LIKE ARE YOU GOING</b>
<b>SAY ANYTHING?</b>
<b>AND HE WAS LIKE OH, SORRY, JUST </b>
<b>SAW THIS, DIDN'T HAVE MY PHONE.</b>
<b>AND I WAS LIKE, THAT FEELING </b>
<b>WHEN HE DOESN'T TEXT YOU BACK, </b>
<b>BUT YOU SEE HIM TWEETING.</b>
<b>>> I THINK YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME</b>
<b>TIME AFTER YOUR VICTORY TO </b>
<b>RELAX.</b>
<b>HALLOWEEN IS RIGHT AROUND THE </b>
<b>CORNER.</b>
<b>>>> ALREADY KNOW WHAT MY SFOOUM </b>
<b>WILL BE.</b>
<b>I WILL BE GOING A SLUTTY ANGELA </b>
<b>MERKEL.</b>
<b>THAT'S ME, BUT WITH A HAT.</b>
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