Florida.
(laughter)
It's a state so laid back
that their elections are still going on.
NEWSWOMAN: Florida's secretary of state has ordered recounts
in both the gubernatorial and U.S. Senate races
after both unofficial results fell within the margin
that triggers a recount by law.
NEWSWOMAN: In the governor's race,
Republican DeSantis has a shrinking lead
over Democrat Andrew Gillum.
NEWSMAN: Andrew Gillum has rescinded his concession,
which he made on election night.
I am... replacing, uh, my words of concession
with an uncompromised and unapologetic call
that we count every single vote.
-(cheering, shouts) -Okay, this...
this is just... this is just ridiculous.
Like, what is it with Florida and their elections?
Both the governor's race and the Senate races
have to be recounted.
And if the recount... if the recount can't find a winner,
then of course, under American law,
the Russians decide the winner. That's how it works.
And now, because more votes are coming in,
Andrew Gillum has done the right thing.
But you have to admit,
un-conceding is a pretty strange idea, right?
It's almost like someone taps out in an MMA fight,
and then three weeks later just pops out in the parking lot
like, "I un-concede! I un-concede!"
If anything, Gillum has inspired me,
because I would like to un-break up
with my high school girlfriend.
I, uh... I still think about you, Sandra.
Andrew Gillum says we can make it work.
By the way, wherever she is right now,
I'll bet Hillary's like, "Can anyone un-concede?"
♪ ♪
Moving on.
Former First Lady Michelle Obama is back in the news--
-(cheering, applause) -yes, back in the news--
and she's promoting her new book.
And in interviews, she's throwing more shade
than an Amazon rain forest.
NEWSWOMAN: The former First Lady
also referencing the current one,
and how, when they met after the 2016 election,
Obama told Melania Trump she's just a phone call away.
-Has she reached out to you and asked for any help? -No.
No, she-she hasn't.
(laughter)
(whooping, applause)
You-you saw that look, right?
Yeah. She went instantly from First Lady to First Meme,
just like that.
That was dope.
(laughter)
But, like...
but let's be honest here, like, did Michelle really think
that Melania would call her for advice?
Like, what advice is she gonna give her other than, "Run."
She's not a divorce attorney.
In other news, ballet-- and this is good news.
Ballet is something that was invented
several hundred years ago
by dancers who didn't want to disturb
the downstairs neighbors.
And recently, it got even more considerate.
Nearly 200 years after the invention of pointe ballet shoes
one of the world's oldest dance shoe manufacturers
is becoming more diverse.
Britain's oldest manufacturer
of pointe shoes, Freed of London,
is not only selling the traditional pink slipper,
in October they introduced two new styles:
brown and bronze for dancers of color.
Until this point, dancers had to use makeup
or even paint to match their skin tone.
WOMAN: Not knocking tradition and everything like that,
but times are changing,
and we need to see people who look like us,
and in doing that we need brown tights, brown shoes.
Yeah, this is great news.
This is really, really great news
for ballet dancers of color, because now,
because of the brown shoes, their skin looks natural
while they contort their bodies
into the most freaky-ass, unnatural ways.
And I think representation shouldn't just stop at ballet,
because you may not realize it if you're white,
but there's a lot of stuff
that's fun that black people can't wear.
Like how come there's no black people novelty aprons? Huh?
Yeah. Don't black people deserve
to look ridiculous, too? Don't they?
And what about condoms?
It's about time we start getting brown-skin colored condoms.
Yeah. I don't want to clash when I smash.
Why are you judging me?
Make my penis look like it's got vitiligo.
No comments:
Post a Comment