All of President Trump's biggest scams
are crumbling on him,
whether it's his fake charity or his nonexistent border wall.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
[ Cheers and applause ]
Trump is currently dealing
with a truly stunning number of criminal probes.
Just to name a few, his White House
is being investigated by the special counsel,
his inaugural committee is being investigated
for allegedly misspending donations,
and his business is being investigated
for hiding hush payments to cover up affairs.
Not even Trump's doctor has ever examined him this closely.
Then again, this is Trump's doctor.
Pretty sure the only thing he ever examined closely
is a magic-eye poster.
"Oh, sweet, man! Oh, man!
Oh, it's a sailboat, man!"
Then yesterday, the President was dealt another blow
when his personal charity, the Trump Foundation,
was forced to shut down after prosecutors effectively said
it acted as a slush fund for Trump's personal spending.
-President Trump's charitable foundation
has agreed to shut down amid an ongoing investigation
into its finances.
In a statement, the attorney general, Barbara Underwood,
said, "Our petition detailed a shocking pattern of illegality
involving the Trump Foundation,
including unlawful coordination
with the Trump presidential campaign,
repeated and willful self-dealing, and much more.
This amounted to the Trump Foundation
functioning as little more than a checkbook
to serve Mr. Trump's business and political interests."
-The attorney general also alleging
Trump used charity money to settle personal lawsuits.
-So Trump used his charity to pay for lawsuits,
which then prompted a lawsuit that ended the charity.
At this point, he's going to have to start new charity
to pay for the lawsuit over the old charity.
They can call it, I don't know, March of Crimes.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
He's going to do a 5k walk,
but it's just gonna be him
asking for $5,000 so he can walk.
"These lawyer fees are piling up. Could you do 6k?"
And, of course, as you might remember,
it was reported that Trump used his charity
to buy two portraits of himself.
These are real. That is true. He used a charity to buy these.
Although when it comes to Trump portraits,
this one is still my favorite.
Now, he didn't use a charity to buy this one, which makes sense
because the only person doing any charity here was the artist.
When did Donald Trump ever look that good?
Was that right after he got Queer Eyed?
Seriously, though, Trump used his charity
to treat himself like a Make-A-Wish kid.
"I got a portrait of myself, I got to ride in a helicopter,
and I got to meet Grimace!"
And then, of course, Trump's campaign and his administration
are dealing with the Russia investigation.
Yesterday, his ex-national security adviser, Michael Flynn,
appeared in court after pleading guilty
to lying to the FBI about his contacts with Russians.
Flynn's lawyers initially tried to argue
that the FBI tricked him,
then they tried to take that argument back,
and in response, the judge got super-pissed.
-The judge then laid into Michael Flynn,
noting that making false statements to the FBI
while he was national security adviser
sitting there in the White House was a "very serious offense."
He then continued, "I'm not hiding my disgust,
my disdain for this criminal offense.
Arguably, you sold your country out."
-Wow. I'm no legal expert, but it's not good when a judge
says you sold your country out at the sentencing hearing.
It would be weird if Flynn
didn't get a harsh sentence after that.
"You debased the White House and betrayed your country!
And you're going free! Merry Christmas!"
Flynn was obviously worried, as well,
and agreed with the judge's suggestion
to delay sentencing until next year.
Now, Flynn might at this point
be hoping for a pardon from Trump,
but considering how charitable Trump is,
he'll probably just end up with this hanging in his jail cell.
[ Laughter ]
"So you can remember me the way I never was."
Flynn's botched court appearance...
[ Cheers and applause ]
Flynn's botched court appearance is a reminder
that this administration is full of people
who are nefarious creeps
but also bumbling doofuses at the same time.
Just take Trump's threat to shut down the government.
Trump wanted $5 billion for a pointless border wall
to enforce his racist immigration policies,
but he was too incompetent to figure out how to get it.
Last week, for example, he started out
his Oval Office meeting with Democrats
by saying it would be their fault
if there was a government shutdown,
and by the end of it, by the end of the same meeting,
he did a complete 180 and said it would be his fault
if there was a government shutdown.
-You should not have a Trump shutdown.
-A what? Did you say Trump? I was gonna call it that.
-You have the White House. You have the Senate.
-We shouldn't shut down the government over a dispute,
and you want to shut it down.
You keep talking about it.
-The last time, Chuck, you shut it down.
-No, no, no. 20 times.
-And then you opened it very quickly.
I don't want to do what you did.
-You've said it. You've said it.
-I'll take it. -Okay. Good.
-You know what I'll say?
Yes, if we don't get what we want,
I will shut down the government.
-Okay. Fair enough. We disagree. We disagree.
-I am proud to shut down the government
for border security, Chuck.
-Amazing.
He started the meeting by calling it a Pelosi shutdown
and ended it by saying, "It's my shutdown."
Can you imagine if he ever does get arrested?
"I'm not guilty." "Yes, you are."
"Okay. Great. I want to go to jail.
That was my plan. Handcuffs? My wrists are freezing."
[ Cheers and applause ]
And then when that didn't work,
Trump turned to the most sinister member
of his White House staff, senior adviser Stephen Miller.
[ Thunder crashes, witch cackles ]
[ Laughter ]
Miller is the aide Trump turns to when he's desperate.
He's like the creepy dude
who's always hanging around Cersei Lannister
doing weird experiments on dead bodies.
"Stephen, build me a wall."
"I can't do that, my Lord, but what if I told you
I brought Rudy Giuliani back to life?"
"But I never died!" "Ah, quiet, Rudy!"
After Trump was outwitted in his meeting with Democrats,
Miller tried to fix things
by taking a much more aggressive tack.
He went on CBS's "Face the Nation"
and said Democrats were endangering national security
by not supporting the wall,
and he immediately dialed up to 11.
-Will he shut it down
to get this $5 billion in border-wall funding?
-We're going to do whatever is necessary
to build the border wall to stop this ongoing crisis
of illegal immigration.
-Are we going to have a shutdown over Christmas?
-As you yourself acknowledged,
the largest increases in illegal immigration
are categories that are incentivized
by loopholes in our laws
and loopholes created by activist left-wing judges...
-I didn't say that.
I said there's a record number happening right now.
-...in the categories that correspond with these loopholes
and the interventions, reckless, lawless interventions
of district-court judges.
It's time that both parties --
this is what the American people want --
to create a lawful system of immigration,
not the lawless chaos that has been perpetuated for too many decades.
-Stephen, it's good to have you in the studio.
-Was it? Was it good to have him in the studio?
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I guess there are worse places to have Stephen than the studio.
Like, say, outside on your balcony during a thunderstorm.
[ Laughter ]
So, after Stephen Miller's charm offensive didn't work,
the White House turned to Sarah Sanders on Tuesday
to try yet another tactic.
She went on Fox News and said both
that the White House was negotiating with Congress
over funding for the border wall
and also they already have the money, so they don't need it.
-Has the White House communicated to the Senate
what you're willing to accept
in terms of a dollar amount for a continuing resolution?
What would that number be?
-We have. We have been in continuous
and will continue to have these conversations.
-The President wants $5 billion.
Would he take $2.5 billion?
Would that be an acceptable number?
-We would take -- We have other ways
that we can get to that $5 billion.
-Wait. You do?
Then why are you asking Congress for it
and why are you threatening a government shutdown?
You're like a loan shark who doesn't need the money back.
"Pay up, or I'll have to take it out of my own bank account,
which I'm more than happy to do."
And now Trump and his aides are trying to claim
that the administration already has the money for the wall,
thanks to Trump's renegotiated NAFTA deal
called the U.S.-Mexico-Canada Agreement, or USMCA.
And if you don't know what the USMCA is,
Trump has been going around lately
suggesting a way to remember it.
-We're replacing the NAFTA disaster
with a brand-new U.S.-Mexico-Canada Agreement.
It's called the USMCA.
Like the song "YMCA," right?
The U.S.-Mexico-Canada Agreement, or USMCA.
Like "YMCA."
The USMCA, like "YMCA." The song. "YMCA."
♪ Y-M-C-A ♪
-Oh, boy.
[ Laughter ]
Don't let Mike Pence hear you singing a Village People song.
[ Laughter ]
He -- No.
[ Cheers and applause ]
He will attach a car battery to your nads
and read to you from Leviticus.
Seriously, dude, you're not the Village People.
You're the village idiot.
Now, the argument that Trump can pay for the wall
through a trade deal makes no sense.
Savings from a trade deal, if there are any,
wouldn't go to the government. They would go to businesses.
A reporter tried to clarify that
with Sanders at her press briefing yesterday,
but Sanders just kept repeating the lie.
-Where are the additional monies
for this wall going to come from?
And why is he asking the American taxpayer for them
when he promised Mexico was gonna pay?
-Look, we're not asking American taxpayers for that.
The money that would be saved through the USMCA deal,
we could pay for the wall four times over,
and by doing that new trade deal,
we have the opportunity to pay for the wall.
-But trade benefits go to private citizens.
They don't go to the United States Treasury.
-He's talking about the general revenue that comes from that.
-So you're going to tax...? -No, we're not taxing.
We're talking about additional revenue
that wouldn't have existed
without the President getting a new deal.
-Have you done the math on that?
-Let me answer that.
No, she hasn't.
No one in this administration does the math.
If you ask Trump, "What's 2 plus 2?"
this is what would go through his head.
-♪ It's fun to stay at the YMCA ♪
-Also, of course the math doesn't make any sense.
The only way Trump's ever going to get that wall
is if he builds it with the portraits
he bought with his charity money.
The wall is just like Trump's charity,
a scam that is now falling apart.
One Trump associate after another
is pleading guilty to federal crimes.
If all these lawsuits work out, Trump might have to
go live in the... -YMCA.
-This has been "A Closer Look."
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